… the mistakes that men make that starts and accentuate the war.
singlesaffair1@yahoo.com, +2348037257479, +2348083906405
One common thing you find in marriages is the war amongst the wives and their in-laws; it doesn’t mean that the men too don’t have challenges with their in-laws, but it has not being a war that is as cold and deadly like that of the wives and their in-laws. I grew up watching with silence the cold war between my mum and her in-laws; you can say that there was no love lost amongst them. Though I never saw an outward fight between them, yet you can sense it because of the deliberate limited interaction which was imposed on us the children with them. The war always has a way of getting to the children one way or the other.
In many circles were you find wives sitting together discussing about marriage life, mother in-laws are considered terrible and some women even pray that their mother in-law should die. Someone dear to me once prayed that the man she will get married to will not have his mother alive before they get married. My response to her is that she should prepare to die before her children get married because the seed she sows will be the harvest she will reap eventually.
I hold the opinion that this war is not only restricted to Africans alone; even in the sophisticated and advance nations of the world, there is really no love lost amongst many of the wives and their in-laws. Interestingly the war seems to be more with the women against themselves than with the men against the women. The wives and their mother/sister in-law(s) are usually the ones who are at logger head with one another. They seem to begin most of the war, and then the men join in, often times taking sides with their mum. The wives usually become angry with their husbands for their action which has a way of affecting their relationship. All wounds heal after some time, but some leave scars behind; this is what happens when the men take the sides of their family against their wives without applying wisdom. It leaves a scar in their wives heart that is almost impossible to erase, even after the death of the mother/sister in-law that they perceive to be an enemy.
I choose to hold the view that none of the party meant to deliberately hurt one another; no mother in-law wants her son to have a turbulent marriage. I also know that no wife really want a fight between her and her in-laws; it is usually lack of wisdom that cause and accentuate the challenges between them. A woman knows that someday she will likely be a mother in-law, so she unconsciously desires that she will live in peaceful coexistence with the relations of her hubby. Every wife also carries the mindset that they are going to be a better mother in-law to her children’s spouse. However, I have observed that women who complain on how bad their mother/sister in-law are; usually have their daughter in-law complain about them too.
I believe that men carry more of the blame for the war between their wives and their family members. Most men often start this war while as singles because of not being discreet with information with their partner; during dating periods, they make the mistake of sharing their family’s opinion against the relationship with their partners. It is usually the beginning of the war between them. They sometimes make the mistake of pointing to the black sheep of their family to the person they are dating, and speak to their family members with disrespect. After marriage, their wives act out of what they have being programmed with and because they are emotional by nature, their action usually come with excess.
A person who I counseled once, complained about the nonchalant attitude that his wife exhibit to his family members, and my respond to him was that he was the culprit. He had made the mistake of showing his wife the black sheep of the family and he treats them with disrespect in her presence. Never forget that the way you treat your family members in the presence of your partner and what you discuss with her about their opinion of her will determine how she’ll relate with them.
Another mistake that men make is allowing their mum to have a permanent residence in their home. My honest opinion is that every man should allow their mothers live in their husbands’ house; there is no man that have made the mistake of letting his mother have a permanent residence in his home who does not eventually have a ‘complaining’ wife at home.
Every woman is possessive by nature and to keep two possessive being together is to court trouble. To your mum, you will always be that grown up baby; she will always want to take charge whenever she is around you with the feeling that she knows what you like and how you like your things done. Your wife however, will need your attention; the house will invariably be a battle ground. The same goes for your sister.
One common thing you find in marriages is the war amongst the wives and their in-laws; it doesn’t mean that the men too don’t have challenges with their in-laws, but it has not being a war that is as cold and deadly like that of the wives and their in-laws. I grew up watching with silence the cold war between my mum and her in-laws; you can say that there was no love lost amongst them. Though I never saw an outward fight between them, yet you can sense it because of the deliberate limited interaction which was imposed on us the children with them. The war always has a way of getting to the children one way or the other.
In many circles were you find wives sitting together discussing about marriage life, mother in-laws are considered terrible and some women even pray that their mother in-law should die. Someone dear to me once prayed that the man she will get married to will not have his mother alive before they get married. My response to her is that she should prepare to die before her children get married because the seed she sows will be the harvest she will reap eventually.
I hold the opinion that this war is not only restricted to Africans alone; even in the sophisticated and advance nations of the world, there is really no love lost amongst many of the wives and their in-laws. Interestingly the war seems to be more with the women against themselves than with the men against the women. The wives and their mother/sister in-law(s) are usually the ones who are at logger head with one another. They seem to begin most of the war, and then the men join in, often times taking sides with their mum. The wives usually become angry with their husbands for their action which has a way of affecting their relationship. All wounds heal after some time, but some leave scars behind; this is what happens when the men take the sides of their family against their wives without applying wisdom. It leaves a scar in their wives heart that is almost impossible to erase, even after the death of the mother/sister in-law that they perceive to be an enemy.
I choose to hold the view that none of the party meant to deliberately hurt one another; no mother in-law wants her son to have a turbulent marriage. I also know that no wife really want a fight between her and her in-laws; it is usually lack of wisdom that cause and accentuate the challenges between them. A woman knows that someday she will likely be a mother in-law, so she unconsciously desires that she will live in peaceful coexistence with the relations of her hubby. Every wife also carries the mindset that they are going to be a better mother in-law to her children’s spouse. However, I have observed that women who complain on how bad their mother/sister in-law are; usually have their daughter in-law complain about them too.
I believe that men carry more of the blame for the war between their wives and their family members. Most men often start this war while as singles because of not being discreet with information with their partner; during dating periods, they make the mistake of sharing their family’s opinion against the relationship with their partners. It is usually the beginning of the war between them. They sometimes make the mistake of pointing to the black sheep of their family to the person they are dating, and speak to their family members with disrespect. After marriage, their wives act out of what they have being programmed with and because they are emotional by nature, their action usually come with excess.
A person who I counseled once, complained about the nonchalant attitude that his wife exhibit to his family members, and my respond to him was that he was the culprit. He had made the mistake of showing his wife the black sheep of the family and he treats them with disrespect in her presence. Never forget that the way you treat your family members in the presence of your partner and what you discuss with her about their opinion of her will determine how she’ll relate with them.
Another mistake that men make is allowing their mum to have a permanent residence in their home. My honest opinion is that every man should allow their mothers live in their husbands’ house; there is no man that have made the mistake of letting his mother have a permanent residence in his home who does not eventually have a ‘complaining’ wife at home.
Every woman is possessive by nature and to keep two possessive being together is to court trouble. To your mum, you will always be that grown up baby; she will always want to take charge whenever she is around you with the feeling that she knows what you like and how you like your things done. Your wife however, will need your attention; the house will invariably be a battle ground. The same goes for your sister.
*Feel free to mail this blog to whoever you want.
No comments:
Post a Comment